Today I haven’t quite felt myself. I’m hollow, missing a piece of me that makes me me. There’s been times of laughter and joy and a sense of being carefree, but throughout the entire day, I have felt the heavy weight of gravity on my shoulders and the burden of being mortal.
I saw someone have a heart attack yesterday.
It was shocking. At the time, myself and others sprang into action, doing all we could – as small as holding doors and as large as restarting a heart – to try to save someone we care about.
I’ve had to call 911 for my Dad after he collapsed due to an accidental chemical inhalation. I’ve driven my Mom to the ER after she suffered a concussion after tripping and falling on concrete. I’ve been through a few late night ER visits for my sister and myself with sickness, broken bones, and aches. All of these instances had several minutes to accumulate the tension, the concern, the strength needed to do what I needed to do.
This was so sudden. I saw my friend’s head hit the floor, and to me – in my head – I saw my Dad collapsed.
It was the worst feeling in the world.
I saw someone have a heart attack yesterday.
It was shocking. At the time, myself and others sprang into action, doing all we could – as small as holding doors and as large as restarting a heart – to try to save someone we care about.
I’ve had to call 911 for my Dad after he collapsed due to an accidental chemical inhalation. I’ve driven my Mom to the ER after she suffered a concussion after tripping and falling on concrete. I’ve been through a few late night ER visits for my sister and myself with sickness, broken bones, and aches. All of these instances had several minutes to accumulate the tension, the concern, the strength needed to do what I needed to do.
This was so sudden. I saw my friend’s head hit the floor, and to me – in my head – I saw my Dad collapsed.
It was the worst feeling in the world.
For the good in this, my friend appears to be doing ok. I stayed in the ER for a few hours last night waiting for news with his family and some other friends. I haven’t gotten an update today, but as far as I know, he is expected to make a full recovery. (For privacy reasons, I’m not going to disclose any information about my friend on this blog, other than he/she is a friend.)
I know God was there in this. The hospital and emergency personnel have said multiple times that if my friend had been alone today when he had the heart attack, even just for a few minutes, he wouldn’t still be here. If everyone hadn’t done all they did starting at that instant, he would be dead. The timing of everything couldn’t have been more perfect, except of course for it not happening. It was all a miracle from God.
If I was ever unsure about miracles before, I certainly have no doubts now.
I know God was there in this. The hospital and emergency personnel have said multiple times that if my friend had been alone today when he had the heart attack, even just for a few minutes, he wouldn’t still be here. If everyone hadn’t done all they did starting at that instant, he would be dead. The timing of everything couldn’t have been more perfect, except of course for it not happening. It was all a miracle from God.
If I was ever unsure about miracles before, I certainly have no doubts now.
I’ve been so exhausted from just living today. I’ve gone through various chores and errands I needed to do almost robotically: Wake up early, take my car for an oil change, take care of my dog, try to see Mark for a few minutes at yet another hospital, make dinner, watch tv, collapse into a deep sleep nap after everything… All the while, I’m thinking:
Or rather, I’m not. I’m still numb.
Life certainly seems different today than it did 24 hours ago.
Welcome to being human, Amber.
Or rather, I’m not. I’m still numb.
Life certainly seems different today than it did 24 hours ago.
Welcome to being human, Amber.
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