I didn't post yesterday because Anna Beth h̶a̶d̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶l̶o̶c̶k̶e̶d̶ ̶u̶p̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶k̶i̶t̶c̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶b̶a̶s̶e̶m̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶a̶l̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶w̶e̶b̶s̶e̶r̶i̶e̶s̶ ̶a̶d̶a̶p̶t̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶s̶ and I were having a discussion on webseries adaptations and I ran out of time to finish what I was making.

Hello from the still the same hostel in Dublin. 
*sigh*  We move into our new place on Sunday, and that day can't come fast enough.
I like hostels and I like meeting some of the people in hostels (and I like sometimes gettting free food and stuff from people leaving the hostel that don't want to take it with them) but I can't wait to be able to have a room to myself (not counting AB) and multple rooms and A PLACE TO DO LAUNDRY. Yeah, it's been decided Sunday is basically going to be composed of doing laundry, attempting to make macaroni and cheese (Ireland doesn't have kraft dinner, and that is a very sad thing), rolling around on our new floor because we can, and being cozy in front of the new fire place.
Oh yeah, we actually made friends. Granted, they aren't friends that are sticking around, but still. We went to a pub with some germans and went to St. Patrick's Cathedral with a girl from Wisconsin who was studying abroad in Spain and met a cool girl from Canada who gave us a jacket she didn't want anymore and had a little party on the stairs with a bunch of people where we just asked each other random questions.

In other news, I have editing software that actually works now. In unfortunate news, I couldn't really think of anything creative to do with it. It's hard for me to edit things without a script to work to and I couldn't really think up a good thoughts from places, so instead, here's just a bunch of clips from the two weeks AB and I spent in UK.

At some point I plan doing a blog post on museums and maybe another one on a certain exhibition at Tate Modern in London. And for some reason Anna Beth wants me to do a blog post on moths. But those'll have to wait. 


Best Wishes,
Jill

Hello from not Tuesday. Basically I feel like my domain is anywhere from Monday to Wednesday, hope you all don't mind.

For a small update, Anna Beth and I are currently in Dublin with our eyes on a few possibilities for places to live. Wish us luck.

I've decided to steal/share Amber's blog idea for this week, cuz it's both fun and I'm out of original blog style ideas for the moment. I grabbed one of the 100 truths notes from Facebook that I did back in High School and kept in the response from then so maybe we can laugh at young me. My current responses (or responses that haven't changed) are in bold. Hopefully this isn't too confusing.

001. Real name → Jillian Maureen Sensel
002. Nickname(s) → Jill, The Voice of Reason, Pumpkinhead -- Madame Reptilian, Fragile Cupcake
003. Status → Single
004. Zodiac Sign → Scorpio
005. Male or Female → Female
006. Elementary - Natcher Elementary School
007. Middle School → Drakes Creek Middle School
008. High School → Greenwood High School
010. Hair color → Brown
011. Long or short → Long
012. Loud or Quiet → Quiet
013. Sweats or Jeans → Jeans
014. Phone or Camera → how about a camera phone?  Phones are more practical but cameras are prettier. I guess Phone.
015 Health freak → pfft...no.  hahahaha
017. Do you have a crush on someone? → maybe...  Not unless you count celebrity crushes
018. Eat or Drink → eat or drink what? it depends.   Drink. Drink a soda. I don't get enough of those over here.

HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an airplane→ Yes
020. Been in a relationship → No
021. Been in a car accident → Yes
022. Been in a fist fight → No

FIRSTS:
023. First piercing → none
024. First best friend → Mason
025. First award → can't remember
026. First crush → ...
028. First big vacation → Myrtle beach, SC

LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to → my mom. -  Anna Beth
030. Last person you texted → Shelby. -  Does the top-up text feature on pay-as-you-go cellphones count? If not, um, I can't find my phone at the moment and I'm too lazy to try. I think it's somewhere in the locker beneath my hostel bed? I hope so. I think the last text I sent was to AB asking where she was in the airport. Or maybe to my mom letting her know we landed safely.
031. Last person you watched a movie with → Cameron. -  I think the last movie I saw was the new Cinderella with my mom? Anna Beth are planning to see the new Avengers movie soon. It's out overhere already. It's out May 1st in the US right?
032. Last food you ate→ Trefoil girl scout cookies. -  Ham sandwich with some crisps and a pepsi.
033. Last movie you watched → Monty Python and the Holy Grail (on DVD) -  I think Cinderella maybe
034. Last song you listened to → Be My Escape by Relient K. - Beyond the Door, sung by Hadley Fraser
035. Last thing you bought → Girl scout cookies. -  Ham sandwich, lucky charms, and a pepsi.
036. Last person you hugged → Amber. - Last received hug was from Anna Beth. Last person I actively hugged was Suzanne.

FAVES:
037. Food → pizza.  Whatsits. and custard cremes. and pizza. and shrimp fried rice. and bread.
038. Drinks → root beer
040. Flower → Violets. White Roses
042. Colors → Blue, green, & silver
043. Movies → idk...i have a top 50 list. Yeah basically the same.
044. Subjects → currently it's Spanish. History

IN 2008 - [in 2015) - ..... I

045. [ ] - [ ] - kissed someone
046. [x] - [ ] - celebrated Halloween
047. [ ] - [?] - had your heart broken
048. [x] - [ ] - went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone
049. [ ] - [ ] - someone questioned your sexual orientation
050. [ ] - [ ] - came out of the closet
051. [ ] - [ ] - gotten pregnant  <-- side note: "I gotten pregnant"? lol
052. [ ] - [ ] - had an abortion
053. [x] - [x] - done something you've regretted
054. [ ] - [x, probably] - broke a promise
055. [x] - [x] - hid a secret
056. [ ] - [x] - pretended to be happy
057. [ ] - [met with again, I'd already met them technically] - met someone who changed your life
058. [ ] - [x] - pretended to be sick
059. [ ] - [x!!!] - left the country
060. [x] - [x] -tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
061. [x] - [ ] - cried over the silliest thing
062. [x] - [hahahaha, though I have walked many] - ran a mile
063. [ ] - [ ] - went to the beach with your best friend(s)
064. [ ] - [x] - got into an argument with your friends
065. [ ] - [] - hated someone      side note: who thinks hating someone and feeling hatred towards someone are different things?
066. [x] - [x] - stayed single the whole year

CURRENTLY:
067. Eating → no, - not currently eating
068. Drinking → no, - not currently drinking
069. I'm about to → watch TV, - post this blog
070. Listening to → TV in the background, - Youtube music playlist, currently on Knocking on Heaven's Door by RAIGN
071. For today → Went to school, -  Don't really get what this is asking for, but today I walked around Trinity College and Temple Bar as well as booked a slightly more permanent living space.
072. Waiting for → Conan O'brian's last 11:30 episode. -  So many things

YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? → eventually.  Maybe
074. Want to get married? → yes
075. Careers in mind → doctor or vet.   aksjldfkjaslkdjflskjdflkds

WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRL/BOY?
076. Lips or eyes → eyes
077. Shorter or taller?→ taller
078. Romantic or spontaneous → both,  Romantic
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → stomach
080. Sensitive or loud → sensitive
081. Hook-up or relationship → relationship
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → hesitant,  either

HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → yes
084. Ran away from home → no
085. Held a gun/knife for self defense → no
086. Killed somebody → no
087. Broken someone's heart → probably not
089. Cried when someone died → yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself → sure.  Sometimes
091. Miracles → yes.  Yes
092. Love at first sight → yes.  No
093. Heaven → Yes.  Yes
094. Santa Claus →no ( i saw the box for the tv 'from santa' in the garage one year. lol)  No
095. Sex on the first date →no.   no.
096. Kiss on the first date → sure.  yes.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → well, I mean, Tom Hiddleston exists, so yeah.
098. Have you ever told anybody you loved them and meant it → no.  not in a romantic sense.
099. Do you believe in God → Yes
100. Will you post as 100 truths and tag 10 people →  No



Best Wishes,
Jill

[7 days ago]

It's Tuesday morning and I'm hurdling hundreds of miles an hour over the Atlantic Ocean. The space is too small and ill constructed to sleep in. I'm hungry and the tiniest bit nauseous.

It's Tuesday and I'm in another tiny compartment. I just want to be able to stretch my legs and not be sitting for a stretch of time. I'd take standing, but I would rather be horizontal honestly.  But the Easybus is the cheapest route to Waterloo station, even if it does take the longest time.

It's Tuesday and I'm free from confinement. It took longer than expected, but I'm finally in Alton with an amazing family. The kids came to meet us at the train station dressed as hobbits.

It's Tuesday and I'm watching gliders being launched overhead and children wrestling in the grass. I'm eating ice cream and am just on the edge of freezing. Hello England, I've missed you.

---

It's Wednesday morning and I'm riding with Suzanne to drop the boys off at MultiSports. I'm not sure what 'being in a different country' is supposed to feel like. Despite the several times I've been outside the US, nothing as yet as struck me the way in which I expect...not that I really know what to expect. But right now, life and people and things are more or less familiar.

It's Wednesday and Anna Beth and I are standing outside Eton College...because we're huge nerds. There's nothing much to see really. It's just a school and it's currently closed to the public, but it's cool and historic and some awesome people matriculated through this institute. We've only just walked about 10 minutes down the road from Windsor Castle where Suzanne took us to start our day. The Queen's flag was up, so she was there...somewhere.
I'm listening to Anna Beth tell me how her future sons will attend school here.

It's Wednesday night and the whole family is watching Captain America together. I love these kids.

---

It's Thursday morning and my butt is touching Stonehenge. Daniel booked us in for an up close experience with the stones. An ordinary pass will only get you to within 20 feet but behind a rope to section you off from the history. But we get to meander all around them and through them as much as we want. Of course, we're 'Not supposed to touch' ...buuuuuuutttttt. My butt. And my hands. And my feet. When the minders aren't looking, I'm getting my money's worth.

It's Thursday and I'm standing under a tree on the roots and branches of which there have been tied tons of ribbons of every color. Some have notes attached. One has a beaded heart.
It's Thursday and I'm standing on a hill surrounded by valleys of farmland and fields of blooming rapeseed.
It's Thursday and I'm inside a Neolithic burial mound. It echoes the thud of boots on stone. There's a call for a flashlight because someone thinks they've found cave paintings.

It's Thursday and I have no idea how to get across the things I've seen today in word or picture form. I think there is a certain depth to life that can't be understood in any form except experiencing it. You can get close. Words can do an excellent job of eliciting an emotion to connect one person's experience to another. Film too. But sometimes you don't have a well defined feeling about what you experience. You want so badly to be able to share this undefined feeling and you do sort of. But it's not the same.

It's Thursday night and as Anna Beth said, you just had to be there.

---

It's Friday morning and Anna Beth and I are about to set off on our own through the English countryside. Up to now we've mostly been under the minding of our surrogate English parents. Not that we've had constant chaperoning, but we also haven't had to do much of our own navigating outside London.

It's Friday and we've just walked through a field of sheep and nearly didn't realize. We're on a 'literary walk' around Chawton, Farringdon, and the countryside, and we were so busy talking that it didn't occur to us that the turnstyle thing we supposed to hop over (as instructed by our route map) led into a sheep grazing field...where sheep were currently grazing. That's something I love about England. It's basically okay to walk in a field of livestock as long as you don't mess with them.

It's Friday and we've been recruited by the boys help gather sticks so they can build a den in the woods. It surprisingly ends up being almost completed and well built.

---

It's Saturday morning and we're driving to Wales. Car trips with all the Paynes are the best.

It's Saturday morning and I only fear for my life about 3 times as Daniel drives to Wales. I thought I had gotten used to most aspects of the English roadway. I'd forgotten what it was like to ride with Daniel.

It's Saturday and we're walking in downtown Cardiff. This is the first time I've been in a big city with Suzanne and Daniel. It's sort of weird. I'm used to associating them with more small village England or small village Kenya.

It's Saturday night and I finally get to take as long a shower as I want without the risk of the water turning ice cold. I love staying with the Paynes, but sometimes the respite of a quiet hotel room is just lovely.

---

It's Sunday morning and it is absolutely freezing. What happened to my awesome yet unexpected sunny and warm England? Please come back! Or at least tell the wind to go away!

It's Sunday and I'm standing in a fairy tale castle.

It's Sunday and it's more hitting me that I'm in a different country. It's little things. Like having no idea what a cream tea is or still not figuring out what the zigzag lines on the road are supposed to represent.

It's Sunday night and I'm back in Alton. I don't want to leave tomorrow.

---

It's Monday morning and I've just gotten the news that Lillie, my dog, was hit by a car last night. She didn't make it.
Sometimes I worry myself with my lack of reaction. Is it so ingrained in my head to keep it in so no one can see? Is it some kind of survival instinct? Stay adaptable to any situation so nothing throws you? Or was I just prepared to never see Lillie again? She's old and I'll be gone up to a year. She led a good life. I made a point of spending time with her before I left.

It's Monday and I'm eating a sack lunch in Trafalgar Square. The sun is shining and warm. Anna Beth and I are keeping track of the number of selfie sticks spotted in London. We're up to 5 now.

It's Monday and I'm sitting in the Theatre Cafe in London. It's wonderful in here. There's a brilliant view of the Queen's Theatre and props from tons of musicals decorate the walls. I'm drinking chamomile tea, partly because I'm trying to fight off a cold that snuck up on me in Wales and partly because I guess I like tea now. I've had some everyday this week. I'm acclimating to England.

It's Monday night and I've almost cried about 5 times today. I know that leaving for a year means that there will be changes to the place I left behind. But sometimes it takes something specific to set off that mindset I guess... I don't know. Finding the right words for me is difficult in even simple situations.
I keep thinking about the fact that I wasn't there when Lillie died. Part of me is glad. I don't know how I would deal with actually being present and rushing her to the emergency room. But the other part...I don't know.
I have a weird thing with death maybe. Like, dead bodies are whatever. They don't particularly affect me. I'll clean up a dead squirrel or bird out of the yard no problem. And dissecting hearts or whatever, I just think of it as a 'thing'.
But I don't want to watch someone or something die. I was horrified to learn that someone in AB's French class for a class project played a Youtube clip of a guillotine being used in real life, no matter how grainy or distorted the image. And I was kind of afraid to watch a certain wildlife documentary when the trailer showed an old lion flopping over. He could have just been tired, but I had...I guess a chill? and it looked like it had just died mid-walk.
I don't know. Words are difficult. It...just does something to me.

Sorry that got real morbid real fast.

---

It's almost Tuesday. Only an hour to go for me. I'm sitting in my London hostel fighting for good wifi. It's a bit spotty here. Hopefully you'll see this blog.

I've been gone a full week but it doesn't feel like it. Anna Beth and I were just talking about this while overlooking the Thames. It's like when you've gone on vacation and you feel like you've been gone forever and you've always been here but at the same time, the time has just flown by. It's sort of like that only without the 'time flying by' bit.
I guess it mostly still just feels like I'm on holiday. But there have been a few 'oh crap real life' moments as well. Suzanne helped us look into a few different living arrangement options for once we get to Ireland.
Sometimes it's I think about Ireland and get overwhelmed.
Other times I think about Ireland and know I'm gonna be okay.

Best Wishes,
Jill

P.S. - Seriously someone make my cold go away. This is no way to enjoy London.  ugh.
[for those of you unaware, I become a bit of a drama queen when I'm sick. I tend to hate everything or become easily delirious. I think I'm amusing Anna Beth]

Hello from England! 
After roughly 30 hours traveling, we have arrived in Alton, UK. And the weather's great.

Where to start?
Well, for one, my suitcase is falling apart. It's lovely to get a nice suitcase for really cheap. It's not lovely if the rolling handle breaks in the airport right before checking in. And of course the other fabric handle is already ripped. So 'Taire (my suitcase... Yes I named it) is now down to one semi-usable handle on his side; not really ideal, but as long as it makes it to Dublin in one piece that's all that matters.

Anyway, my Monday started at 4am, and my family and I were on the road to the airport by 4:30. All in all though (except for the suitcase) everything went really smoothly. I thought for sure my suitcase would be overweight but it wasn't. And the layovers went super fast, even the 7 hour long one in JFK. AB and I literally just talked about random stuff for about 7 hours straight. It was great.

It was really on the flight to London where things started to drag. There's only so long I can be cooped up in a sitting position without going a little aggro. It didn't help that I was in the middle aisle of seats, aka you will not find a comfortable sleeping position ever. And then the queue for immigration was super long. And it took a while to load onto the bus to Waterloo train station and then to drive to Waterloo and drag a broken suitcase into the station...
But going into Waterloo was like a bit of a homecoming. It was the first truly familiar thing I'd seen in London yet. And it was simple enough to get on the train to Alton where we could finally say we were done traveling for a spell, or at least dragging luggage around (seriously though, I love traveling but I hate carrying stuff around)

It's great being around Suzanne and Daniel and the boys again. They're a riot. They took us out to Lasham airfield to watch gliders taking off and have some ice cream after dinner. Pretty unique experience. And then we all watched a TV special on space and physics hosted by Brian Cox together.

Ok I guess that's it for today? I need to head to bed. I believe we're gonna go see Windsor castle tomorrow

Best Wishes,
Jill 

P.S.  -- I'm writing this while AB is sleeping but she literally just woke up, asked me if I was still a duck and that everyone else is a goose and then went back to sleep

Fun times 

       So apparently the parrot won. Wasn't really expecting that, but good thing since it's short and I haven't felt much like writing this week. (I was actually going to ignore it and just write about Target since I just resigned and my last day was Friday, but again, I didn't feel much like writing until just now)

But first an update:

Check out who joined club four-eyes:

And yes that is paint on my hand. I may or not have promised a few commissioned paintings before I leave....which is this Monday. oh dear.

              Anyway, I am officially no longer employed by Target and can totally say anything I want about them. Honestly though, I kinda just miss the people I worked with.
               That was actually what I had planned on writing a blog on this week, but I kinda left it 'til the last minute so I guess I'll make it brief. I wasn't really sure what I wanted to say anyway. Just something about finding things in surprising places.
                I don't know what you'd expect of forty-somethings working at a place like Target, but I was a bit surprised at the number of them that had lived abroad. Craig lived in London for a year just because he wanted to. No job, no visa, just spending a year in his favorite city on the planet. Never did ask him how he managed it. Todd C. spent 2 months living in Australia to be with his girlfriend at the time. Jake spent 3 of his years in the army living in Germany. DR has relatives in County Cork, Ireland. I believe Brandy helped open the Niagara Branch of Target Canada (RIP Target Canada).  
               And you can find some great stories from these guys. My best bud, Todd, had an "inactive" artillery round for about 30 years. He and a friend found it in the friend's attic when they were preteens and Todd kept it just as a cool keeps sake. Used it as a doorstop in college, let it bang around in the back of his truck, put a Ramones sticker on it, used a chisel to remove said sticker later. A few years ago he decides to properly get rid of it and called up the explosives-quicker-picker-upper to come dispose of it. They arrived, looked at it for a few seconds, and relayed to him that all inactive, training rounds of this type were always painted blue to help distinguish them. Todd's was silver. Yep, Todd had a technically active tank artillery round as a doorstop.  He told me he was so excited when they told him they might have to do a controlled explosion on his property to dispose of it. Todd's just great to talk to. I made some comment to him once about how it was hard to stock the gigantic holiday snickers because I just wanted to eat them all, and for Christmas he bought me one!
                And there's Kevin who is far too chipper for 6am. He's been known to act like a 5 year old playing around during truck unload (he's the leader of the Flow Team, just fyi). I threw a box to him that he'd missed on the conveyor belt one day, and he wacked it like a baseball straight (unintentionally, no matter what he says) into a giant box of trash. He then had to dig it out. Missy and I cracked up for like 5 minutes.
                And there was one afternoon where I was in the back working with Jim, one of the managers, and we were just swapping fire stories. I told him about our New Years bonfire lit by flaming arrow from a few years back. He told me about how in high school he'd set trashcans on fire beneath the bleachers. Or something like that. I may be mixing that up with a different story. He had a lot more fire stories than I did. And to think initially pegged him as straight-laced store manager (to be fair, he is rather intense about his job). I suppose there were a few people that I originally had the wrong idea about. Some that I thought were mean but turned out to be friends. And some that seemed nice and competent but ended up being fired for never actually doing their job.
                But truly one of the highlights of my time at Target was Black Friday. Everyone is incredibly open about how they feel about Black Friday shoppers. It's very refreshing to hear someone who normally calls them "guests" refer to them as "parasites". It's a very unifying experience about how no one really wants to deal with people fighting for stuff on black Friday...while at the same time taking considerably longer than necessary to "rewrap" a plush throw in the back until they're conveniently  off shift and can buy it themselves.

Yeah I'm gonna miss Target. Not so much the job, though it was fine, but the people were nice.


But the parrot:

          Back when I was looking through stuff for the blog on perception, specifically when learning about qualia, I came across a quote:

"...[The mere fact that] we can all collectively wonder at the concept of Qualia is quite incredible and also quite human. Animals can do all sorts of clever things that we do. They can use tools, problem solve, communicate, cooperate, exhibit curiosity, plan for the future, and although we can't know for sure, many animals certainly act as if they feel emotions: loneliness, fear, joy. Apes have even been taught to use language to talk to us humans. It's a sort of sign language that they've used to do everything from answer questions to express emotion or even produce novel thoughts. Unlike any other animal, these apes are able to understand language and form responses at about the level of a 2.5 year old human child. But there's something that no signing ape has ever done. No ape has ever asked a question. Joseph Jordania's "Who Asked the First Question?" is a great read on this topic, and it's available for free online. For as long as we've been able to use sign language to communicate with apes, they have never wondered, out loud, about anything that we might know that they don't. Of course, this does not mean that apes, and plenty of other animals, aren't curious. They obviously are. But, what it suggests is that they lack a 'Theory of Mind': An understanding that other people have separate minds. That they have knowledge, access to information that you might not have. Even us humans aren't born with a 'theory of mind,'..."
                                                 - Michael Stevens, Is Your Red the Same as My Red

And I just kind of glossed over it because it wasn't as applicable to was I was discussing. But later, somewhat recently in fact, I was reminded of Alex the Parrot.

Alex (1976-2007) was an African Grey Parrot, purchased in a Chicago pet shop, and trained in a range of cognitive and verbal tasks as the subject of study of Professor Irene Pepperberg. The Alex study lasted over 30 years until Alex's death in 2007. Alex acquired a vocabulary of over 100 words, but what set him apart was his apparent understanding of what he said.

"For example, when Alex was shown an object and was asked about its shape, color, or material, he could label it correctly. He could understand that a key was a key no matter what its size or color, and could figure out how the key was different from others."

Here's  Video of him in action. 

In reality, Alex wasn't much different from any other Grey Parrot; others were shown to be capable of similar cognition in further studies. But he was the groundbreaker for being among the first to demonstrate Animal Intelligence in non-humans. And you can read more about it if you're interested.

but I want to jump to something specific:

 "One day, he asked what color he was, and learned 'grey' after being told the answer six times. This made him the first non-human animal to have ever asked an existential question."

So while Michael technically wasn't wrong in his wording, I feel like he could have brought up Alex.

And also:

Alex's last words were "You be good, see you tomorrow. I love you." These were the same words that Alex would say every day when his owner left the lab.

excuse me while I go cry over a bird now

Best Wishes,

Jill

eh, I'm not actually sure of my blogging ability in the next few weeks. You can go ahead and say what you'd like to see but I imagine if I blog at all I'll be talking about London or Ireland or being trapped in an airport for 7 hours. I might actually blog from the airport during that long layover next week. Not sure, we'll see. 

Hello.
Not a lot of liveliness on the blogs lately, eh? Well then. Guess I'll just muck around here and hope your busy busy weeks don't stop you from reading the blog as well.

So 'Elastic Heart' was the most popular option and so has won as topic for the day. Thank you all for commenting :) The others will keep popping up as options until I either write about them or lose interest.

But first an update -
                Of note this week was what I stumbled upon Sunday morning at Target. I was just coming out of the bathroom when I see Eric, our Asset Protection Team Lead (basically think security guard only cooler) running out the front doors chasing a young woman. He managed to snag her purse just outside the entryway; she dropped it and kept running. Then I just shrugged and went back to work (can't just go gawking at the bad egg guests without getting any work done). I found out later from him that she got away but they did stop her from stealing like $100 worth of merchandise or something. So there's that.

                My second story also involves Target. I've discovered my favorite (and least favorite) piece of re-shop.
(Re-shop is merchandise you find in places where it's not supposed to be because customers are lazy or just hate your existence. Like sometimes I find things literally 2 feet from where they're supposed to be. Like, did have to put the Reese's bag you considered buying with the Hersey kisses instead? Are you that lazy? Do you hate me that much? Literally just move your arm a little to the left and you'll have saved me some trouble - both in putting it back in the right spot and worrying about your mental capacity)
                Ahem, sorry for the little rant. Anyway, one of the ways to amuse myself and not hate everyone in the store when I come across stuff like this is to just make up a little story about how that product ended up where it did. Before, my favorite re-shop story was when I found a lacy bra buried in the stuffed animal shelf during Valentines. I like to imagine that maybe someone had an epiphany about what an appropriate Valentines gift for a new girlfriend should really be. But my new favorite/least favorite is what I found yesterday. I was putting out some chocolate crosses on the back wall of the Easter section when, lo and behold*, I find the Fifty Shades of Grey books. Now, first I freaked out because it was right in among some little kid toys but then I just started giggling. Big change of heart there, huh? That's right, find you some Jesus or whatever.   
                And lastly: Vikings. Not like historical vikingr vikings (though I like those too, AB knows). The show 'Vikings'. So good, man. Big things happening. Big spoilery things. Things you probably don't really care about but I just wanted to mention because I watched the latest episode and.. all the good man, ugh. Just all the things. And mostly things I don't want but still good things. Ok, I'll stop now.

And on to 'Elastic Heart'.

Before proceeding further, please watch the music video I'll be discussing.
 (I guess if you've watched it already, you can skip ahead, but it wouldn't hurt to watch it again either) 

        For some background, the first time I heard about this music video was from seeing people online complaining about other people complaining about how pedophilic the video was. The former was saying to grow up and just because a young girl was dancing with an older man, that doesn't automatically make it sexual.
 I feel like that happens frequently: me being exposed to something not from people complaining about a thing but from people complaining about other people complaining about a thing 
         I then watched the video and found I really liked it. I think I generally really like stories that are very open to interpretation (not open endings usually, but when the whole story itself is open to interpretation). I liked all the different stories it could represent. And I know the artist/director had a certain meaning in mind. And I think it's important to be aware of an artist's intended meaning or story, but I also like that art is open to the interpretation of its viewer. As John Green says, "Books belong to their readers," - only apply to more than just books.
(side note: although I like viewing multiple stories and meanings from a single source, I also think that one is capable of coming up with an 'incorrect' interpretation. One that just doesn't go within anything the piece is portraying. But that's probably worth its own blog post. I'm supposed to be talking about Elastic Heart) 

Based on minimal poking around online, I think there are 3 main categorizes for what the dancers (Shia Labeouf and Maddie Zielger) represent.  

1) They are manifestations of the same person

                This is my own personal favorite interpretation and the one that I think makes the most sense. I know the category in itself is also vague because you could have multiple inner voices or emotions or parts of your pysche to choose from, so I'll do another break up (yay outline formats)

     a) fame
                    Ok, this is the one I really meant when I said this is my favorite. It's my own personal 
           interpretation of the characters in the video.
                   The dancers represents two sides of Sia, or I suppose you could say any person who has had 
          to deal with fame and being in the public eye -might make more sense as I don't actually know 
          anything about Sia outside of performances of this song and 'Chandelier', but for the sake of 
         simplicity, I'll just say Sia.
                    Maddie, the little girl, represents the young, bright side of Sia that has always wanted to be in 
         the spotlight, to be a rockstar or what have you. And Shia represents the side that is tired or 
         anxious of being in the public eye. 
                    Despite being so different in appearance, both dancers are really made up similarly. Both are 
         wearing nude, tight costumes. Both are slightly dirty. They both do this move where they put their 
         fist to their cheek. And most notably, both have purple paint on their hands and feet. Granted, I 
         have no idea what it's for, but Maddie was in another of Sia's music videos (Chandelier) wearing the 
        exact same getup, and she wears it in every public performance with Sia as well. I imagine that 
        costume/look somehow represents Sia.
                     Part of what made me come up with this particular interpretation was Shia. Like, he could 
         have just been cast because of his acting ability, but I couldn't help but think back to the period 
        where he wore a paper bag over his head saying "I am not famous anymore" to the red carpet (I 
        admit, I'm not that familiar with his story, I heard it was linked with a mental breakdown, but I have 
        no idea really. Everything I'm saying here is mostly just based on what I see in the video)
What I see in the video:

• Shia is nervous/scared of Maddie - at 0:27 his heart races when she lashes out at him

• The cage represents safety and privacy and not being in the public eye

• Maddie is more manic/showy - Shia hides his eyes and backs away - 0:37

• Maddie feels her voice is being taken away - 0:43

• Shia is usually the one running from Maddie

• Maddie is briefly satiated when Shia pokes his head out of the cage - 1:43

• Mirrored positions at 2:01, reinforcing the idea that they are the same person

•  Shia genuinely cares for his other half/himself/herself and wants peace

• 2:55 - Maddie can leave the cage - Shia tries to stop her but can't leave the cage himself

• 3:20 - inverses of each other - representing two opposite sides of the same person

•  3:44 - the faces we put on - or practicing putting on a face to get ready to go where people will watch and judge you

• Maddie leads Shia to the edge of the cage. She wants him to go out. She wants to go out and stop being restricted by the safety(privacy) of the cage. 

• At the end of video, Maddie is trying desperately to pull Shia out of the cage, but he cannot leave. Both despair and begin to cry. Shia grows tired of Maddie's incessant pulling. He can't do it anymore. 

• In the last shot, Maddie is outside the cage but she is still being supported by Shia. She is standing on his knees through the cage bars  
  

          b) mania, depression, or other mental illness
                   
                    When I was looking around for other people's take on the performance, these tended to be 
           fairly popular. And I can see why. The video does make sense in these contexts as well, whether 
           that be Maddie representing a person's inner mania or addiction, Shia representing depression, 
           Shia and the cage representing self doubt, etc.

          c) Youth

                  I don't think I would have ever thought of this one, but I find it very interesting:

"I believe that the young girl represents youth. He is acting immature in order to try and regain what he can of his youth. The cage represents the confides of the mind, suggesting it is an emotional struggle. At the end, the young girl slips through the gaps but he can't. To me this suggests that he can't regain his youth - it's left him and nothing he can do will enable him to get it back. He is then trapped emotionally in his mind and must accept the fact that he must grow up."

"I think when Maddie is hitting Shia on the head it shows how the grown up generation put on a face to try and hide their problems, but Maddie, portraying youth, realizes what is wrong and gets rid of the mask Shia makes."


2) Abusive relationship or otherwise unhealthy dynamic

            Possibly spurred heavily by the controversy surrounding the video, many people seemed to see the story as abusive and dangerous, whether Shia represented an evil family member or an unknown kidnapper. I see this one less than the two of them being the same person, but the story doesn't stop being interesting with this interpretation. What's the most interesting to me with this interpretation is that I can't unsee the ending as Maddie desperately trying to remove Shia from the cage as well. It's not just that she wants to escape herself. We see earlier in the video that she is fully capable of leaving. She's the strong one here. Maybe she wants to remove the man from his own evilness, fix him and make him better. Or maybe it's more Stockholm Syndrome than that.  

 
3) Father/daughter

This is the interpretation I was first presented with before even watching the music video. Someone was ranting about the notion that an older man and a young girl can't dance together without everyone thinking it's pedophilic. Said person was saying more or less: 'So we can never have a father-daughter story that's free of sexual interpretations? We can never have brother-sister or, heaven forbid, a mentor-mentee dynamic with these two types of people?' And on about how we would be limiting the stories one can tell through dance by limiting who can dance with who.

But the interpretation:
" the cage seems to symbolize something mental. Like maybe depression or self doubt. The relationship between the girl and the man, to me, seems to represent father and daughter. At first, the daughter is angry and doesn't have a good relationship with the father, but as time progresses, she becomes closer to him. The father is restricted by the cage- he cannot overcome his mental problems, whereas the girl can escape the cage and be free. But she begins to love her father rather than hate him, and she does not want to leave him behind. She is frustrated that he cannot help himself, and is conflicted between being free from the cage and living, or being loyal to her father. In the end she is seen to be restricted from freedom because of her emotional ties to her father, she can't leave him because she loves him. But at the same time she wants to be free."  

Or maybe none of these are right and this person had the most correct interpretation:

Your options for next week:

1) Target

2) plansnotplans for Ireland

3) Irish dancing

4)  An expanded discussion of the 'Aesthetic' and taxidermy (etc) at the Field Museum

5) Anna Beth and I's conversation regarding the question "Who are you?" and "What defines you?"

6) Alex the parrot

7) Other


Best wishes,
Jill

I am now sick of the word interpretation
Hope 2000 words is are better than 3500. sorry again for that.


* - ever get curious about a phrase as soon as you have to write it. That happened to me. Interesting. Things are so interesting
I use 'interesting' too much

        It appears I might be hijacking Sanaa's Sunday-Tuesday blog. Oh well, hopefully her blog will make up for mine.
        Sorry for not posting last week. My only excuse is that I spent the night talking with Anna Beth in an IHOP parking lot, which I admit isn't exactly an excuse.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I went up to Chicago with Rachael and some other friends for a few days.

Highlights from my trip include:

·         Wolves at the zoo howling along with ambulance sirens <-- this was probably my favorite part of the whole trip

·         Finding a super-not-afraid-of-humans squirrel and watching Chloe get literally within an inch of touching it before IT lunged at HER and she ran away

·         Most of the animals at the zoo being pretty active and close to the fences. Two of the rhinos were sparring when we walked by and the lion was totally into its own 'regalness'

·         The lion roared. Like, I've seen lions in a game park in Kenya, but I don't remember ever hearing a lion roar before

·         Chloe has a slight fear of large fish. We went to the aquarium. There was much amusement for us, not as much for her

·         Puns

·        Logan:  "You really flew through that bird exhibit", and next to the seals: "If I had a Pinterest I would Pinniped it"

·         I don't like monkeys or apes, but even I thought it was pretty cool to see a 2 week old baby gorilla

·         watching reef cleaner fish just doin' their job

·         petting a lake sturgeon

·         Chloe making me think of Amy as she nearly took the title of "I would eat everything in this Aquarium or Zoo"

·         Thinking of Sara as I swam upstream in a river of children on a school field trip at the Aquarium (literally so many children)

·         Divers feeding fish in the tanks and then waving at us - the divers not the fish, well maybe some of the fish

·         "Jesusing" as Rachael called it - walking over an underfoot glass ray exhibit

·         Sea otters are a lot bigger than I expected but just as adorable

·         "Korra clothing" (Chloe's term) in the Field Museum

·         Just the field museum in general

·         Chloe next the shoe/boot display at the field museum: "This is like porn to me"

·         The excellent taxidermy at the Field museum. They do a really good job of attempting to put the animals in context. They're all very life like in their poses. Baby lions cuddling with their mom, a buffalo scratching its butt with its horns, taxidermied birds with taxidermied mice in their talons, a 4 part white tail dear display showing the animals in each season. Like, when I got 'taxidermist' as the #1 job recommendation on that job assessment thing in middle school, I didn't appreciate it the way I do now

·         The aesthetic in the Field Museum

·         In the Bird Hall - "You see the dead rodent? That's my favorite bird" - Rachael

·         Not really comprehending the size of a wholly mammoth until I'm standing next to its skeleton

·         Cramming 5 people (not including the cabbie) into a taxi

·         Being SO CLOSE to winning at table full of shots at trivia night (so close, man! so close!)

·         Finding a stone from Mammoth Cave imbedded in the wall at Tribune Tower

·         The view of the city from both the zoo and museum campus


All that being said, I had a really good time in Chicago but I don't really feeling any longing to go back. It's a fun one-time visit to me.

The night I got back, I went with my mom to watch Irish Dancing at Skypac. It was so awesome and brought back a lot of memories of when I was a kid and my entire family was obsessed with Michael Flatley's Lord of the Dance.

Then I went to Louisville to visit Sara and Jake/watch Into the Woods (so good).

In other news, I've handed in my 2 weeks notice at Target. Getting close to the big move. oi

In other other news, there are SO MANY FREAKING PEEPS IN THE BACK AT TARGET. For those not in the know, I'm more or less in charge of the seasonal section at target. And after the truck unload on Monday, there are 2 pallets of just peeps boxes, each stacked 5 feet tall. That is a lot of peeps. So many peeps. I hope people like peeps.

Ok, that's not particularly interesting. Here, to distract you from my lame blog, I tried to make a video from my Chicago trip. Only, I had like 2 vaguely interesting clips. I forgot my camera and only had my phone. And I didn't take many videos. And I decided I would try out my new (free) editing software, Lightworks. And I discovered that Lightworks has a steep learning curve and OH MY GOSH LIGHTWORKS IS SUCH A FREAKING PAIN TO USE WHY CAN'T THERE JUST BE A REGULAR TIMELINE OR AT LEAST AN EFFECTS PANEL THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE, AT THE VERY LEAST THE ABILITY TO PUT TEXT ON A SCREEN WITHOUT GIVING MYSELF A HEADACHE. I MISS PREMIERE PRO. WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO EXPENSIVE.

So yeah, looks like I'm actually going to need to watch all the training videos to understand how to use the program properly.

But here, look at wolves singing and beluga whales belugaing. Because that's all I could put together at the moment.

                                                               Those wolves are so darn cute

       I think I'm going to instigate a theme not theme for Tuesdays that isn't Question Tuesday. It's interactive but only minimally so. Please tell me in the comments which of the following options you would most like for me to blog about next week and I promise I'll try not to make an exceedingly long post like the dress one. Also feel free to suggest an entirely different topic or even rank the options if you feel like it. Just be aware I might ignore everything in favor of blogging about whatever strikes me on a given day, but at least I've stocked up on potential blog topics. (Also, DO NOT say 'all of them'. I may get around to all of them at some point. But please actually say which one you'd most like to see if there is one you'd most like to see).

1) An expanded discussion of the 'Aesthetic' and taxidermy (etc) at the Field Museum

2) My interpretation of Sia's 'Elastic Heart' music video

3) My younger self's obsession with Lord of the Dance + an expanded discussion of Irish river dancing storylines

4) Target

5) Anna Beth and I's conversation regarding the question "Who are you?" and "What defines you?"

6) A topic of your choice



Best Wishes,
Jill

Hello from a different midnight than you'd expect to find me posting.   
This blog is coming to you a bit earlier than it normally would. Actually, considerably earlier (like, I finished this on Sunday) because I leave in the morning for Chicago! Rachael and I, and a few of our friends from fencing club, are journeying north for their spring break because that's a sane thing to do in this snowmageddon season, right? Honestly, I'm pretty excited. I've never been to Chicago. We're gonna go to the Field Museum and the Shedd Aquarium and the Bean and eat some deep dish pizza!
                But all that can be in next week's blog. Let's get on to this week's. From what I gathered last week, you all like when I have existential crises and am more introspective........noted.

Aannnnndddd, this week we're going to be topical. 

Maybe it's been too long for this to still be a topic of interest; maybe it's too old hat. But hey, it's pervaded our culture and I think it's still interesting.

I am of course talking about that dress. You know, that one that people will say is blue but is depicted as white....

....

You know...

Jill here, long time no see.

      First an update. (Please forgive the self-reflection if it seems braggy and redundant as most of you know all of this)
       I looked it up and the last time I made a post (one actually by me and not AB pretending to be me) was 14 April 2013. So just shy of 2 years. 
[update: so I lied. apparently I posted on 18 July 2014 and didn't see it until after I posted this one. But it hardly counts as a blog post. If there are others I missed....shhhhh]
Wow how things have changed. To think, I was a junior in university, on the pre-med track, had never been out of the country (excluding the few hours I spent in the Bahamas, which I don't count), hadn't been on that cross country roadtrip briefly mentioned in the blog archives, hadn't been skydiving.
      Now I've graduated with my degree in Biology and minor in Anthropology. I've worked in a rural health clinic in Kasigua, Kenya. I've been to Canada and England and France. I've crossed the country by car. I've attended Vidcon and witnessed a meteor shower for the first time. I've worked briefly as a stage manager and in retail on Black Friday. I've been on safari and competed in USA Fencing Nationals and driven through Brooklyn construction at 1 in the morning in the pouring rain. And I've no idea what I want to do with my life.
      I mean, to say that I really knew what I wanted two years ago wouldn't be very honest. I was mostly doing what I was doing because it was something to be doing and it was something I liked enough. But I decided senior year that med school just wasn't gonna be for me. But then I was left in a funk. There wasn't anything to replace my med school track. There were interests. I've delved into aspects of history and archaeology (Anna Beth can testify to my random Viking 'fun facts'). My love of theatre flourished. I spent time organizing trips and debating whether 'travel agent' was a viable career path. And I don't think there's really been anything where I confidently thought 'yep, gonna pursue that with everything I have until I get it.' I've never really been that way, but I do want to embrace passion in my life a bit more.
I've realized this is now less of an update and is starting to ramble. Let's just back on track.

Anna Beth and I are moving to Ireland.

Of course, you all knew that....now.

      I got my good-for-a-year work visa in the mail the other week. We've booked our flights. Got a temporary place to stay until we can find a decent and preferably cheap flat. I've been working at Target since November and have been saving up some cash. And we leave April 13th (with a 2 week pit stop in England to visit some friends of mine and because when we're that close to London we can't not). 

      But let's finally address the title of this blog post shall we? Really, it's just a phrase that has been stuck in my head since Sunday night and I don't think it actually applies.

 Let's unpack this:

      Anna Beth and I had a disciple-ship/bible-study/church-camp leader. Basically I did and still do think of her as a mentor. She's super nice and kind of amazing. She's aware of our planned move across the pond, and on Sunday morning she said something to Anna Beth. I was working Sunday morning so I wasn't at church to hear it for myself, but later I get a message from AB:

Hello from the worst blogger on this site. I've missed my last 2 appointed times to blog and have not given myself enough to write anything today as well. To be fair, I'd planned on being a tad cheeky and posting a painting I'd completed as "worth 1000 words." But 11 o'clock has rolled around and I'm still not done. Maybe next week, eh?
So instead, I'm sharing 2 videos I've watched this week that I've really enjoyed as they speak more eloquently and with better words than I could come up with. (I'm also imagining Anna Beth being a bit annoyed as she's seen both of these videos already, and thus, no new content for her. hehe.

idk. I just really liked both of these and thought I would share. so yeah.

Maybe next week, 
Jill