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blogging 2012-2013

There's a part of me that loves not knowing

3/31/2012

11 Comments

 
Hello from a very sleepy Amber. Well, no. That’s not it. I’ve been relaxing in my bed for the past 4 hours or so, and I can honestly say this is the first time I’ve had time alone to relax for… Well, since winter break when my foot forced me to stop and do nothing for once. Anyway, I’m just feeling very peaceful and reminiscent and lethargic… and contemplative. About things I shouldn’t be thinking about, but I am. Things that led me to think, “Hey! It’s technically (almost) Saturday, and who else should I talk about this with but my awesome friends? BLOG!”

Before I start this, I should probably cap this with a warning: I’m a girl in her first ever official relationship. I’m sappy. Can’t help it. Get over it. I’m going to talk about Mark, since he doesn’t read this… unless he’s a way better stalker than I think. Still- not everything will be about Mark, but he is the current main place of my thoughts. If you’re tired of me referencing him, go look over at the picture page. I will post New Orleans pictures in an hour or so, so enjoy those instead of this blog post! (If you’re reading the blog, you should still go look at pictures after… :) ) Now… onto the actual blog.

My song’s going to be a preface to this…

Daughtry- Start of Something Good
First off, I really like this song. It honestly captures everything that my relationship is right now (except the “like at first sight part,” but that’s another story), and I especially love the lines, “And I’m going to say what I need to say And hope to God that it don’t scare you away Don’t want to be misunderstood.” A large part of my and Mark’s relationship is us talking. I love that, and our quirkiness sometimes just makes me want to melt into a puddle of happiness. Actually, everything about our relationship makes me want to melt into a puddle of happiness, and apparently I was very much a flirt for at least a month before we got together, even though I didn’t realize AT ALL. It’s ok though. He did too. Our friends shipped us. XD

Anyway, tonight I’ve been thinking about the future. I know it’s a scary topic, but I recently realized that I’m graduating next year. I’m honestly scared. It’ll be ok, but I’m still uncomfortable thinking about parts of it. Specifically, the part involving my relationship with Mark. 2013 is in 9 months. If we’re still together in 9 months, what do we do? Do we try to make plans to be together? Do we break up at graduation, even if our relationship is something… special? We’re currently skirting around the topic of the future. I mean, we talk about meeting up in the summer, his retaking the MCAT (even though his score was very good), my taking the GRE, his med schools he’d like to apply to, my hopeful graduate schools, and the common places between them, but when it comes to actually talking about where we see ourselves in 5 years, 10 years, etc, we’ve simply not addressed it. Granted, a large part of us not talking about it is because we’ve only been in a relationship for a month and a half… These subjects don’t need to be brought up for a bit longer, and I’m completely fine with that.

That doesn’t mean I don’t think about it.

I have no idea where God will lead us after graduation. I have no idea how our relationship will change in the next months (although I certainly hope we stay together for a while. I do kinda like him. ;) But it’s like the song says- “I’m starting to believe that This could be the start of something good.” I’m hopeful about our relationship. I’m not thinking very far into the future, but I’m enjoying the time we have right now.

However, I realized tonight I do have a few answers. If we’re still together come graduation, would I be open to staying together? Without a doubt, yes. Would I want to be near him? Yes, although it may not happen, and at that point, I would be open to a long-distance relationship. Would I be thinking about something more? At that point, it’s possible. I really don’t know, and I’m not going to try to imagine it at all right now… Like I said, it’s WAY too early. But I feel that God is working in this relationship for a reason, and as long as we follow His path, everything will be ok, whether or not we’re still together as a couple or if we’re just friends.

Sara, my question for Question Tuesday is, “If you were in a fairly serious relationship in college (1 year +), and you both were going to graduate at the same time, how would you try to handle your relationship leading up to graduation and after?” I’m just curious to see what you’ll say (assuming you’re reading this…)

Until another time… Adieu.
11 Comments
Anna Beth
3/30/2012 10:11:04 pm

You know, I was going to take a stab at answering your question, even though I'm not the great and wise Sara. I was going to say that you could stay together, whether going to schools close to each other for post-grad or doing the long distance thing. Just as long as you don't compromise on where you want to go for school (or for anything) to be with him.
And then I thought about that. And while I believe that you really shouldn't give up what you want for a guy...I don't know...that sentiment...It seems like at this day and age people tend to put love last. It's like, I'm not sure if giving up everything for love was something from times gone by, or if it has always just been a fairy tale.
It's like, remember on Boy Meets World, when Topanga gave up going to Yale to be with Cory? For some reason, I used to think that was romantic.
I'm going to stop now, because I'm just rambling. But it's something to think about. Sara, I hope you'll weigh in on this, as well as Amber's more specific question. What priority do we as a society place on love? You could even go into the males' vs. females' priorities on love. Or something like this...if you even know what I'm talking about...

Anyway, sorry Amber...tangent. But I think that if you two are still together by graduation (and I hope that you are if that's God's will), you should try to continue in your relationship, wherever you end up. Pray about it, as I'm sure you have been doing.
Oh, and you're pictures are beautiful! Jackson square reminds me of Disney World!

Reply
Amber
4/1/2012 03:42:44 am

Thank you for your lovely tangent! And yeah, I felt the same way about Topanga giving up Yale for Cory... and still kind of do. I'll be honest, when I find the guy that I'm willing to spend the rest of my life with (not thinking about certain people because it's too early), where I go to grad school wouldn't matter as much as staying close to him, whether that's the same area or long-distance. I mean, yes, it's very important to me to find a place where I'll be happy and will get a good education, but if God has another plan in mind, one that involves someone else, then I will follow that. At this point, I have no idea where I'm thinking about for grad school... but over the next couple of weeks, I'm going to be searching. And I'll see what I find.
Thank you again for your comment... I hope Sara answers your question too! :)

Reply
Amber
4/1/2012 03:48:55 am

I guess what I was trying to say with ^^^ that is that I'm still not sure. Giving up what you desire in favor of being with someone is, in many ways, a fairy tale in today's world. However, and I guess this is my hang up, I don't want to gain something that would be good for myself and lose something greater with someone else. So we'll see. Whatever God has in store is certainly fine with me. =)

Sara
4/1/2012 07:10:32 am

Of course Sara's answering! Can't pass up a good Question :)

shelbs
3/31/2012 05:28:15 am

awww, cute Amber.
i personally feel that in most cases if you're willing to make a decision based on how close you will live to a person (like if you guys decide to go to schools near each other) then you most likely know that you probably want to get married. [that's just a thought; i also think it's too early to think about these things.] don't worry too much about any of it though! just enjoy your life now and the stage of relationship that you are in!

Reply
Amber
4/1/2012 03:44:15 am

Shelby- I agree. Completely. Just like you said, it's too early to think about things like that, but yes. At that point, it would be serious, and eventually (God willing) we'd have to think about that... It can wait a good while though. Now is pretty epic :)

Reply
Rachael
3/31/2012 01:08:48 pm

I agree with Shelby--enjoy the present, and think of the future when it comes...and Anna Beth's idea is really interesting about putting love last. I think it's because love is ambiguous, while education/a career is stable, and we want a certain amount of stability in our lives that we're not sure love will give us.
Just so you know, I'm jealous of your relationship--I think the one thing that I'm scared of if I ever get into a relationship is running out of things to talk about...
<3

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Rachael
3/31/2012 01:10:18 pm

I just saw the pictures--LOVE the Mississippi River one :)

Reply
Amber
4/1/2012 03:51:52 am

Teehee, thanks! I will post more pictures eventually, but I took 750 of them and have only edited 200 of them. My favorites will be here and facebook... here first :)
Also, I wanted to comment- Yes, Mark and I "run out" of things to talk about sometimes, or we'll repeat things, but it's not an awkward thing, and it only happens on rare occasions. When it does, we just settle into this comfortable silence. So whenever you enter into a relationship, I hope something similar will happen and comfort your worries :)
Of course, Mark and I are just socially awkward anyway, so we're kind of used to being weird... XD

Sara
4/1/2012 03:02:10 am

I think it's entirely possible to enjoy the present while also thinking about the future. Cause that can be fun too :)

Reply
Amber
4/1/2012 03:52:24 am

YES! =) =) =)

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